Hello nice to meet you, I’m the other woman 

     I’ve been the other woman twice now in my life. The first time was with a friend who I cared about a lot, but my relationship had just ended, and I needed someone. I know it was selfish but I pulled him into me. He was in a long term relationship that was at a crossroads, she wanted to settle down and get married, he wasn’t sure what he wanted yet. And I was this fun forever single girl who threw myself at him. It continued for awhile until I felt too badly about it. Honestly I think i did it because I was lonely, and I felt like he needed me as much as I needed him. But I never felt a sexual spark. We were always better as friends. Once when we were having sex I made a joke and we stopped having sex because we were laughing so hard and kept making jokes back and forth. That’s what it was, never about the act of sex but more the closeness. Ever since I ended it were not as close as we were, but he’s closer with his girlfriend than he’s ever been. I feel like I did that. He got to have a little fun and realized she was what he wanted all along. Maybe that’s why I like men in relationships. I convince myself that somehow I’m helping them, I’m not trying to steal them away, I literally just like the challenge of trying to get someone that’s taken. And I love the safety of knowing it can’t become serious. I’ll never have to meet their family, I’ll never have to move in. It’s all the best parts of relationships with none of the scary. And of course all of the thrill of going to a shitty bar when your underage. It’s not that great but because your not supposed to be there so it’s a rush. 

This time it wasn’t me who ended it, I fell for a coworker who for some reason I felt drawn to. The funny thing about falling for coworkers is people you wouldn’t even look at twice in the street become so attractive to you, because there’s nobody else to look at when things are slow, you start to fantasize and obsess and get a little excited when someone smiles at you twice in a week. I didn’t know he was engaged right away, and he actually never told me. Another coworker mentioned it. He had this confidence about him that seemed unwarranted, which I liked. It started as flirting, and took a very long time to turn into more. I felt butterflies when I would see him. I purposely would dress extra cute for work in the hopes we’d see each other. We started chatting on snap chat, he drove me home once from work but didn’t make a move. He’d never been with anyone but his fiancé. Not touched, not kissed, not anything. Never felt another woman’s body. I felt like this was my duty to make sure he had a positive experience with someone else before committing to her for life. Otherwise I worried in a few years he’d cheat and it would ruin everything for them. 

I think I was being selfish. But I honestly believe I needed someone and he needed peace of mind, to know he was making the right choice marrying her. So one night when we both had to open the next morning he slept over. And we touched each other’s bodies for hours. It took three hours for him to kiss me, he was shaking. I loved being that close to someone and feeling so safe, but also knowing how new and exciting it was for him. We eventually fell asleep after doing nothing more than some underwear on groping and a few kisses. 

All day at work we were both giddy, drunk on the bad things we did the night before that really weren’t that bad at all, see the underage in the bar reference again. 

Fast forward to today. He spent the whole weekend with his fiancé, she was onto us. She saw that we were best friends on snap chat, there was a big red heart next to my name ❤️️. I thought I was fine, I knew this wasn’t forever and I didn’t want to marry him anyways. He told me he had to delete me off snap, instagram and facebook. I said okay. I still didn’t think I was sad. It’s not like we had sex, we didn’t really do anything wrong. But all day I felt empty and kinda weird. I think I mostly felt guilty that I’d gotten him into trouble, or hurt her feelings in any way. 

I think we both got what we needed from each other. But the spark wasn’t what it once was, now that I’d been that close to him I was over it. The chase was over, I won. I only want things that aren’t mine, then when I get them I don’t want it anymore. I like things that are difficult, things not everyone has. This explains both my shopping obsession, and my attraction to taken men. 

I have a date tonight and a date tomorrow to get my mind off of the last few days events. Hopefully these guys play hard to get to keep my interest. Because they were both attracted to me first I’m not all that excited for the date. I feel like I already won. I don’t think I’ve really won anything but fucked up feelings and a bad attitude in years. 

Just not in my eyes okay?

My first book will be titled “just not in my eyes, okay?”I don’t know why, but for some reason I have actual magical sexual powers. 

People with all kinds of sexual preferences are drawn to me, like a moth to a flame. Maybe because I’m open, and non judgmental. But either way I have learned so much, and been given opportunity to have some unique sexual experiences. 

Let’s talk about who I’ll call FL, short for facial lover. He’s a co worker of sorts, and we never really talked much until a work party last week. He was really into my butt, which is massive by the way. So we chit chatted, and he took my number and we talked a bit after I got home. He asked for me to send him a photo so I sent him a drunk selfie.

I woke up to a video of him jacking off to my face. Wow. That’s a lot. I felt like a porn star, and a bit weirded out. 

I told him that was bold as fuck, and he said that’s how he is. Flash forward a week, and I think FL is an actual sex addict. He is sexy, I love how much he’s in touch with his sexual needs and desires, but sometimes he touches himself mid day, not to the point of cumming, but just to play around a bit.

The thing is he sends me videos daily, and he’s making me horny. Like the more I talk sex with him, the hornier I am on the daily. The other day I touched myself in the change room at work and actually had an orgasm! His intense sexually is catching apparently. Well he wants to give me my first facial. And I do love cum, so I’m half way on board. I’ll try anything once. But he’s edging himself for a while so it’s a nice big load. 

I hope he’s as sexually amazing as he makes himself out to be, because honestly I’m a touch tired of being disappointed by these all talk no action types. I’ll keep you posted on FL, and hopefully it doesn’t sting my eyes too badly.

Blow it to Grow it

So I blew on the fire. And by that mean I blew eastern comic. He’s lovely to give head too. Very appreciate and constantly making noises. I personally love that. I get off on the noises guys make when they don’t even know their saying anything. I love the power of giving pleasure and knowing I’m good at it. Nothing is hotter than hearing a guy say ” I’m gunna cum” and then him just releasing and throbbing and knowing that was me. Maybe I’m fucked, or maybe I really do get turned on by giving the right guy head.

Also note to dudes. DON’T EVER hold a girls head down on your dick. She’s taking it as deep as she can, also how shitty would you feel if she choked on your dick and died? Nobody likes to be doing something nice and be smothered by peen. Actually I bet some people are into that but never assume. You could kill, or just not be offered head again for awhile until you keep your hands to yourself unless instructed otherwise.

Sparks and Eyebrows

Do you think all relationships start with a spark? Or are some an ember that barely burns until its blown and and some kindling is thrown on. Should I always trust my gut with a first date? How is it even possible for one person to feel the spark and the other feel nothing? I’ve been in both situations and I find it interesting that one party can feel something special, and the other party can barely get through dinner. Is it worth a second date with only an ember? Because personally the better I know someone either the more or less attractive they become to me. I fall for things like their sense of humor, or intelligence. I’m going to give it one more go with eastern comedien and see if he lights my fire. I need to remember that just because someone shows interest in me, doesn’t mean I have to like them back. That’s not how the world works. I just have to decide for my self how I feel about them.

Also are eyebrows a deal breaker? Because I never thought possible but these ones just aren’t close enough together. I’m big on eyebrows.

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Sincere or not sincere, that is the question.

Maybe I’m so messed up that I can’t trust anything anyone says anymore. Went on a date last night, and he was super sweet. Complimenting me, telling me how lovely I am. And I may have said “that’s what everyone says” or things to that degree a time or two. I’m still a bit burned from the 20 year old fucking and chucking me.
So alls fine and dandy, we make out in my backyard. Then he goes to his standup show and I head to see a movie. He texted me after and said he had to get something off his chest. Okay. I’m an honest person, lets see what’s up.
– scroll down to see texts-
So yeah, I was surprised that he took it so personally. Could this really be a good guy? Am I scaring dudes away by being a tad bitter? Maybe. But it’s so much easier to expect the worse and then be pleasantly surprised. I’ve let lovely comments and gestures go to my head before and all I end up with is an empty vagina and a phone with no messages. Not again. So we hung out yesterday, and he already wants to hang out again. Maybe he’s trying to rush my newly instated 4 date rule before the peen gets in the vag. Or maybe he just genuinely wants to see me again. Why can’t I tell? And I wish I didn’t assume that once a dudes slept with me he’s no longer interested. Is it so much to ask for a friend, that also wants to bang? Someone I call up drunk on a Saturday and we fuck, and then we spend all day Sunday in bed just watching Netflix and eating terrible food. I know your thinking “that’s a boyfriend” no it’s a relationship with no expectations and just respect for the other person, and actually wanting to fuck them, and spend time with them. I think ill find that eventually. Maybe with this guy, who I’ve just dubbed eastern comic. Maybe I’ll never find this and I just need to get into an actual relationship. Although I’m sure that will be much harder to procure.

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$200 and a Black and Blue Behind

*slap*
“Ouch daddy that hurts, please stop”
“This is what happens when you lie to mommy and get home late”
*slap*
This is a real encounter, not with my dad though. And I 100% agreed to go along with it. Sometimes my adventurous side takes me to places I’m not sure I’ve ever even fantasized about.

Around the time my little sister moved home for the summer, I started really living my Toronto life. I’m talking not saying no to anything and taking some serious risks.

We’ll jump right to who I’m now going to call Daddy J. We met on tinder. he was mid 20’s, successful, pretty normal looking. Wouldn’t stand out in a crowd. He opened with a story about him going for lunch with coworkers and a child getting a bare bum spanking right in the restraunt in front of people. I should have known then something was up. (And I don’t mean his penis at the thought of a spanking) so we started texting. He was a bit flirty, mentioned a few spankings now and then. We talked for a week or two, and eventually he asked me to hang out. But he asked if he could punish me. Like really spank me like a bad girl. I was scared, I’m always down to try something new, but he told me I would cry. I was super broke at the time, and I didn’t feel comfortable from the start, so I told him I’d let him spank me for $200. I know. Awful. So a Tuesday after work I went home and showered, he asked that I don’t wear a lot of makeup, he wanted me to look like his little girl. He also asked that I wear full bum panties. I picked my cutest and girliest pair. I honestly only have like 5 pairs as I never wear underwear. But anyways, I wore a cutesy dress as per request and I looked like a little girl. A fully developed one at that, but still I was working it. He called me an uber and I was on my way to his house. It was gorgeous! He has money, I forgot to mention. So he lives alone in a giant nice house. Bonus. So he gave me tour, poured me a gatoraid and grey goose, and himself a wine and I got a bit drunk. We made idle chit chat for while and then we went upstairs to his bedroom. The role playing had begun. I was in trouble because I lied to daddy and got home late. So he put me over one knee and proceeded to spank me. It hurt so bad. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but this was new. Eventually he pulled down my panties and bare bum spanked me while saying things like “you’ve been a bad girl”, “daddy has to teach you a lesson” and I would reply between spanks. Eventually he finished and I got dressed, he gave me my money and called me an über home. It hurt to sit down. My bum was black and blue for over a week. He asked for photos of it after. I sent them and he seemed pleased.
He’s a nice enough guy, but when a fetish is the only thing that gets you going that’s when it’s a bit much for me. We continued to talk for a while but I just don’t want to deal with hiding the bruises again, there’s a story to go with me trying to do that as well.

Even now I get a yucky feeling when someone calls me bad girl and spanks me. It’s just a bit much still. Its not the spanking I have issue with, as I would do that again for the right guy. Its the fact that he probably gets turned on when kids get spanked, and the idea of him having kids and punishing them one day. I was playing his disobedient daughter after all. He told me about his hardcore spankings growing up, so I think it’s got to do with that. But I did put the $200 to good use, and I got some drinks and a story. So it’s a win. I never do anything I don’t want to do, and I’m glad I say I’ve given that a go and it’s not really for me. At least not at this point in my life. Maybe I’ll give it a go in a few years. I am a bad girl after all.

I want the impossible

I want someone to want me. Want to sleep with me and only me. Because they think my eyes are pretty, the smell of my skin intoxicating, my laughing at inappropriate times lovely. And they want to wake up next to me day after day and deal with all my bullshit all over again. I want someone who wants to be with me, in me, all over me. Not just someone looking for a warm fuck to get them through the weekend. Someone who dreams of me at night, who I think of in everything I do, wishing they were there. Someone to send sexy photos to, and they appreciate them, not expect them. I want to hold hands in public and not feel weird or like people are starring. I want to kiss on the lips lightly in public, and passionately in private. I want to go whale watching and when I see one, my joy is their joy. I want to find happiness in the things they find happiness in. To like each others family, to laugh about nothing. To never be afraid to cry. To love without limits.