I’ve been the other woman twice now in my life. The first time was with a friend who I cared about a lot, but my relationship had just ended, and I needed someone. I know it was selfish but I pulled him into me. He was in a long term relationship that was at a crossroads, she wanted to settle down and get married, he wasn’t sure what he wanted yet. And I was this fun forever single girl who threw myself at him. It continued for awhile until I felt too badly about it. Honestly I think i did it because I was lonely, and I felt like he needed me as much as I needed him. But I never felt a sexual spark. We were always better as friends. Once when we were having sex I made a joke and we stopped having sex because we were laughing so hard and kept making jokes back and forth. That’s what it was, never about the act of sex but more the closeness. Ever since I ended it were not as close as we were, but he’s closer with his girlfriend than he’s ever been. I feel like I did that. He got to have a little fun and realized she was what he wanted all along. Maybe that’s why I like men in relationships. I convince myself that somehow I’m helping them, I’m not trying to steal them away, I literally just like the challenge of trying to get someone that’s taken. And I love the safety of knowing it can’t become serious. I’ll never have to meet their family, I’ll never have to move in. It’s all the best parts of relationships with none of the scary. And of course all of the thrill of going to a shitty bar when your underage. It’s not that great but because your not supposed to be there so it’s a rush.
This time it wasn’t me who ended it, I fell for a coworker who for some reason I felt drawn to. The funny thing about falling for coworkers is people you wouldn’t even look at twice in the street become so attractive to you, because there’s nobody else to look at when things are slow, you start to fantasize and obsess and get a little excited when someone smiles at you twice in a week. I didn’t know he was engaged right away, and he actually never told me. Another coworker mentioned it. He had this confidence about him that seemed unwarranted, which I liked. It started as flirting, and took a very long time to turn into more. I felt butterflies when I would see him. I purposely would dress extra cute for work in the hopes we’d see each other. We started chatting on snap chat, he drove me home once from work but didn’t make a move. He’d never been with anyone but his fiancé. Not touched, not kissed, not anything. Never felt another woman’s body. I felt like this was my duty to make sure he had a positive experience with someone else before committing to her for life. Otherwise I worried in a few years he’d cheat and it would ruin everything for them.
I think I was being selfish. But I honestly believe I needed someone and he needed peace of mind, to know he was making the right choice marrying her. So one night when we both had to open the next morning he slept over. And we touched each other’s bodies for hours. It took three hours for him to kiss me, he was shaking. I loved being that close to someone and feeling so safe, but also knowing how new and exciting it was for him. We eventually fell asleep after doing nothing more than some underwear on groping and a few kisses.
All day at work we were both giddy, drunk on the bad things we did the night before that really weren’t that bad at all, see the underage in the bar reference again.
Fast forward to today. He spent the whole weekend with his fiancé, she was onto us. She saw that we were best friends on snap chat, there was a big red heart next to my name ❤️️. I thought I was fine, I knew this wasn’t forever and I didn’t want to marry him anyways. He told me he had to delete me off snap, instagram and facebook. I said okay. I still didn’t think I was sad. It’s not like we had sex, we didn’t really do anything wrong. But all day I felt empty and kinda weird. I think I mostly felt guilty that I’d gotten him into trouble, or hurt her feelings in any way.
I think we both got what we needed from each other. But the spark wasn’t what it once was, now that I’d been that close to him I was over it. The chase was over, I won. I only want things that aren’t mine, then when I get them I don’t want it anymore. I like things that are difficult, things not everyone has. This explains both my shopping obsession, and my attraction to taken men.
I have a date tonight and a date tomorrow to get my mind off of the last few days events. Hopefully these guys play hard to get to keep my interest. Because they were both attracted to me first I’m not all that excited for the date. I feel like I already won. I don’t think I’ve really won anything but fucked up feelings and a bad attitude in years.